" Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,
half shut afterwards"
- Benjamin Franklin
I used to have, let's call it idealistic views about marriage..
about how one day it will all fit;
I will find the perfect man, make that promise of eternity, and have children!
That honestly stuck for a large part of my life until recently..
Things around me started changing,
Lets just start with the idea of a perfect man.
Fact is, we all know there is no perfect man..
those things about if a man loves his mom he must definitely love his wife- Not necessarily true at all.
It depends.
can a man be both a good husband, and a good father?
Yes! but sustaining that sort of balance takes principles, it takes patience- thus rare.
Therefore, there you go- perfect man dream crashes. hahahaa
Lesson number one: I guess you need to know what you want, and what you need.
What you will settle less for, for what more?
And you got to find that perfect imperfection to fight for.
The promise, a legal promise.
Honestly, I never thought well of elaborate weddings, large scale invitations, banquet halls to hold tables full of guests here to what? See how happy you are?
The meaning of marriage have become so diluted that people have lost the true meaning of it altogether.
A marriage should be a sort of a promise to eternity we pledge to the ones we love- By putting our hearts down on paper that we'll live together forever, we'll grow old together. Its like an old friend's pact except with a tinge of that extra something (hehe)
I've always envisioned my wedding to be one where there's just the two of us.. and the priest and its just gna be about US.
well yeah, maybe a handful of tables for close folks.
But that'll be it.
All that, though still lingers ideally.
Feels so distant all of a sudden,
I see how people change after marriage.
I see how, people tend to show themselves after marriage.
Now that, is utter selfishness. Its not Love.
and I have this stubborn dislike, no I abhor the thought of people changing.
Now, I do not mean change habits sorta thing.
I mean the things that aren't supposed to change, principles, values.
And if you hide such things only to not upset the person you claim to "love", for the fear of losing him/her,
That's selfishness.
And if you chose to not be yourself for a someone you love- you jolly well stay that way after marriage
otherwise, letting it all come to light like a freaking peeled banana is selfishness.
You don't deserve the person.
Folks, when you love a person, and you want to be loved back..your best bet is to be yourself.
I'm sure no one wants to fall in love, get married and have kids with someone they eventually find out to be stranger.
No one likes that at all.
Today, we happened to touch on the topic on marriage.
hmm I never really asked you about it, neither have I initiated talking about it before.
but i asked a question:
'So have you ever thought about marriage?'
I meant it as a general question, and told him that even if it wasnt me.
(though that wasnt entirely true- yeah thats us the XX)
you told me that you've put it aside for awhile, and that it used to be a bright picture ..
but as time pass it has lost its glamour and anyone getting married after 30 was due to other reasons like parents and all..
You also brought up, your friend- which said that he is not planning to get married after seeing many bad examples and so on..
Hmm I'm not sure if I'm over thinking.
Truth is, I was disappointed..
Firstly, I absolutely disagree that getting married after 30 is due to other reasons..
why cant it still be love?
secondly and most importantly,
you failed to see the importance of that question to me.
It meant so much to me.
because I will then ask myself.. okay... you've put it aside for awhile... which means?
we are not dating and looking towards marriage?
Yes. I know we may not work- due to "some" reasons.
Does that mean we do not date with the hope that it may all work out in the end?
so you mean we've been on different pages all these while?
sometimes I really do not know if I should interpret from the things you say or do...
Because to me your actions show me A, but your words tell me B.
So which do I look at?
Till now, I don't doubt the fact that you love me.
I don't doubt the fact that we are in a serious relationship.
I doubt the importance and value I have.
Can I deal with someone, whose friends play such an important role in his life even after marriage?
Can I deal with someone I feel that sometimes I don't even know?
Can I deal with someone I don't share important ideals with?
Can I deal with someone whose actions and words sometimes don't match?
Can I deal with someone who conceals areas of himself, because he afraid of upsetting me? losing me?
But is that fair?
I ask you.
HAPPY EASTER! :D
